Our German Shepherd wandered aimlessly around our swimming pool, going from bush to bush sniffing.  We were in lawn chairs watching her.  Suddenly there came from under an evergreen a sharp scream, then another.   We raced to her side hoping she wasn’t hurt too badly.  She wasn’t hurt at all, but within minutes she had mangled three of four baby rabbits and the fourth wasn’t in very good shape.  We enclosed him in our hands and carried him into the house, after disposing of his siblings in a respectful manner.

We carefully washed the blood off  his body, apparently transferred from other bodies, and found him in perfect health, if not temperament.  He wriggled and squirmed and squealed and was generally not happy to  be in our care.   I found a large shoebox, punched holes in the top, wrote “Alfie” above the drawn on door and placed him in it, then in a second enclosure.    We didn’t cover the box as he was too little to get out of it.   Wrong.  The next morning he was AWOL and we set off on a search.  We had named him Alfie because of the popular movie that year.  Because it was also popular we had carpeted with shag, dark forest green shag.   It isn’t easy to find a dark brown rabbit in a dark green rug.

We looked in every room on the main floor then went  upstairs.   After searching under two beds  we went to the third bedroom  where we found him huddled in a corner.  We carried him back to his cage and laid the lid across the top.  Alfie was officially grounded.

He had managed, on his outing, to ascend  eight stairs with risers higher than his Alfie house so we were certain his shoebox would not contain him for long. We discussed  the problem at great length.  We could not put him back where we found him because our dog was not stupid, a menace to wildlife perhaps, but not stupid.  She would attack the minute she smelled him.  We decided I’d call Brookfield Zoo, the children’s barn, and ask about the feasibility of an adoption.  They were very interested in the suggestion.   They said they  had many baby rabbits from all over the world.  They did not have an Illinois cottontail, however, and they would be happy to have him.

We packed him up and with our children made our way to the zoo and their beautiful  facility just for kids.  We were shown the baby rabbit pen, a ten by ten by ten foot area enclosed by 18 inch high fencing, which none of the babies had tried to jump over.  We placed Alfie with  all those exotic, beautiful little creatures and within five minutes he had gone over the wall and was running amok all over the main floor.  Several  workers corralled him and put him back…he did it again.  We apologized for him impolite behavior and offered, grudgingly, to take him back home.  No, they said, they could work with him and were used to little animals who defied direction.  So, we left him and with trepidation drove home with an empty shoebox.

A month later I called to inquire about the condition of the zoo, as: Was it still standing, Had Alfie taken control  yet? and Did they still want him as a guest?  A resounding ” yes” to the first and last questions and a “no” to the middle one.  They reported that  he absolutely did not and would not stay in the fenced in area but that was fine as he was now in love.  It seems he had taken a special interest in an animal in a nearby enclosure, rather unusual for someone as little as he, as she was a baby elephant.  He spent every night with  her and most of his days.  They shared food and it appeared she was as smitten as  he was.  Relieved  at this turn of events I hung up knowing our little one was content and deliriously gaga in love.

I didn’t call again for several months and the person I talked with sounded tearful when she told me Alfie no longer lived at the zoo.  In fact he was no longer living anywhere, he was deceased.  She said that on his last night he had followed his usual habit of sleeping in his girlfriend’s quarters when, after they both fell asleep, she flopped over from one side to the other and flattened  him.  They said poor Alfie never knew what hit him and, they felt certain, it was a quick death and he didn’t suffer.

We thoughtfully discarded the Alfie  house and smiled at the strangeness of a life that would allow a common cottontail to move from under a backyard bush to one of the largest zoos in the world and end his life in love with an extremely large girl from Africa.  Only in America, folks, only in America.