For a long time I have felt guilty for putting a driver’s license location out of business.  It all began when a friend drove me to the Spring Street office in Elmhurst.  It was a hot, humid August day and she was having a bout of hay fever.  While accompanying me to take my test she  sneezed and stuffed used tissues in my  ashtray until it overrunneth.  I know  that the operating efficiency of most cars is not affected by the contents of the ash tray ; I also know our car was different.

In order to make it thief proof my husband had switched around a few wires so that when the ash tray was closed, the car wouldn’t start.  A simple, but what was to prove very embarrassing, precaution.

When we arrived at the bureau my friend decided to remain inside while a police officer accompanied me on mission impossible.  His first command was simple enough,  “start the car.”  I turned the ignition key and…….nothing, nada, silence.  Again I tried, again nothing.  Then it dawned on me what the problem was, all those tissues jammed into the ashtray were somehow pressing against the  no-start wires.  Frantically I began pulling them out, one by one and throwing them on the floor at t he officer’s feet.

“May I ask what  you are doing?”

“Oh, I’m just starting the car”, I replied brightly.

The expression on  his face was priceless.

While all that paper pulling had been in progress the overheated engine was cooling off.  I pulled out the last one, turned the key and was not at all surprised that the car started immediately.  He was.

From then on I followed instructions carefully and things went smoothly until he said he wanted to see how quickly I could stop on command.  That was my undoing.  At the extreme rear of our station wagon was a steamer trunk and it held 300 pounds of work tools.  Between the rear end and front seat was a second seat in the upright position.    He told me to accelerate to 20 mph and when he said “stop”, to do so. I pushed the gas pedal, he yelled ‘stop” and I hit the brake, really hard…I mean, really hard.  We heard a loud slide, then a whack as the trunk flattened the middle seat, then a loud thud as it came to ground against the back of the front seat.

When I finally found my composure and the officer found his clipboard and pencil he gasped, “Turn around and return to the office.”

As I drove back it occurred to me that I had not yet shown him how well I could parallel park.  I pulled alongside a car parked at the curb when he asked, “What do you think you’re doing?”   I said the obvious, “I’m going to park.”

“No, you’re not. Drive around to the back and park where there are no other cars.”

Inside the building he took a long drink of water, sank into a chair and gave me the bad news, I had flunked the test.  He suggested I try at a later date.  Three months  later, eager to try again…without steamer trunk,  I returned.   I could not believe what I saw, or didn’t see.  The entire office was closed, gone , moved, closed forever.

Surely I didn’t do that, did I??????????